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Recently, I participated in a weekly writing exercise.  The suggested topic: “In my lifetime have I given or received more”?

So, am I a “giver” or am I a “taker”?

I immediately thought of Mother Teresa.  She provides an amazing example of a life faithfully devoted to giving for others.  Obviously, I am not even worthy of considering a comparison.  However, I have helped others, volunteered, assisted strangers on the side of the road but I have neither made a vow of poverty nor dedicated my life to the betterment of others.  Apparently, I am a “taker”.

Do I “take” from others?

Am I the type of person that knowingly manipulates people for my personal benefit?  Do I use compliments to “con” kind and trusting people to do my bidding?  Do I call friends disguising my personal needs as concern for their wellbeing?  “How are you, oh by the way…?”  I do not believe so, I genuinely care.  I try hard to do my part and often look for opportunities to help others.  My life has not been dedicated to helping others but I am not one of those greedy rotten “takers”.  Therefore, by default, I must be a “giver”.  Yea me!!

During my contemplation a dear friend shared something addressing gratitude.  She spoke of being grateful for her childhood and her life in general.  Just like that, it all became crystal clear.  The genuine, unexaggerated, unadulterated, stark, authentic truth became instantly, painfully obvious.  Yes, I am a “taker”.  I am an ungrateful, user.  Take, take, take is all I do.  Imagine, if you can, someone who does nothing but “take” all day, every day, rarely saying thank you, only wanting more.  More more more, take take take.  That, it seems, would be me.

It has literally “taken” a lifetime to “receive” all of the wonderful gifts I have been “given”.

Consider each breath I have “taken” since birth.  I “took” every single breath rarely “giving” thanks.  Drinks of water; how many glorious life sustaining drinks of water have I “taken”?  What would my life be like had I not been able to “take” a drink of water?  (Short; is the answer, the end preceded by the unimaginable pain of complete dehydration prior to death).  Steps; I have “taken” infinite steps.  From my first as an infant to the one just prior to sitting down at my desk to type.  Seats; I have “taken” a seat more times than I can remember.  I probably “took” a seat after “taking” my first step.  I sometimes “take” a rest after “taking” a seat.  Good Lord, where does it end?

My “received” list seems infinite.

Believe it or not, on more than one occasion I have “taken” sight, sense of smell, hearing, the movement of my hands, my feet, my emotions, the embrace of a loved one all for granted.  Have I ever said thank you for the miraculous effort required just to bring me into this world and sustain me until I could sustain myself.  The earth, the sky, the stars, watching the miracle of a bird fly, must I go on?  Family, friends, acquaintances, a simple loving touch, the beating of my heart.  Unimaginable to even begin contemplating the strangers or countless inanimate objects helping to improve my life.  All of these and more I thanklessly accept every day.

Yes, I am ashamed to admit I am a “taker”.  Interesting though, when I stop and consider all that I have received one thing I would like to “take” even more of is the time to look up to the heavens, into the eyes of someone I love or those of a stranger and utter the words, thank you.

Thank you for all that I have and continue to “receive”.

I am a deficiency of gratitude.